current, random obsessions

 {image via}

kitchens. 

the colour yellow.

sourcy vitamin water.

mcdonalds grilled chicken salads.

rain.

everything about spring.

and after todays excursion, biking.

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fear

i go to bed with this fear of fallling asleep.

strange yes, but true nonetheless

so much so, that i've been dozing off on the couch lately

i then wake up with a fear that the day will go by too quickly

i end of the week with a fear that the months will pass me by too quickly,

and soon i'll have to end my european adventure

i fear not having work,

not having a steady income

i fear regret

having not tried enough or rather, not hard enough

i fear losing a sense of self,

then wondering who exactly this "self" is

is it possible to have a mid-life crisis at 25?

that is the nature of my fear.

dog days are over - florence & the machine

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life on a chain

• it's my madre's birthday today! happy 58 momma - mucho lovin'!
• i'm a lyrical soul
• i've only ever tweezed my eyebrows once in my entire 25year existence.dodgy.
• i was bulllied in 9th grade {not because of my eyebrows}
• i'm the youngest of 3 girls 
• i have a 3 nephews & now a niece
• i don't wear earrings
• dress-up parties suck the life out of me
• sunshine is a natural anti-depressant
• i once "ran away" from home. wrote a letter & everything. i made it to the end of street, ate the only apple i'd packed and turned back.
• i fell asleep under a tree on the way home from school. i was 9ish...or 10 or so.
• i hardly EVER wear pants. i'm a dresses & skirts kinda girl.
• i can spend hours -seriously, hours- blog lurking.
• i love pillows & cushions. i want them everywhere.
• i speak english, zulu, basic - afrikaans, spanish & dutch.
• i'm short. like 5ft tall kinda short.
• my madre raised me & my sussies all on her ownsome :)
• i'm emotional. i'm passionate.
• i find yellow teeth off-putting.
• i laugh out loud.
• i used to run around the house with a towel wrapped around my head, so i could have "long hair"
• i'm an ambassador for dreamers.
• i was raised in the 'burbs' of south africa. word.
• i've known my bff aka right lung aka gfl (girlfriend for life) since the age of 6...or is it 5?
• i love big bags, high heels & flip flops.
• currently listening to: pete yorn

peace.

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10:40am

a show of gratitude:

to a sister who'll rearrange her morning schedule so it includes a skype session, so i can vent

a mother who's always so calm, especially when i'm not

prayer

online banking

leggings

an assortment of herbal teas

music.always.

a 12th grade teacher who instilled in me a passion for english literature, far greater than i could ever express

image via

And now, if I do err, even did they err of old; not that I would excuse myself because of other men, but because of the weakness which is in me, according to the flesh, I would excuse myself.

- nephi

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aha!

found a great new site

i know this, when i keep hitting the "older posts" button

found this doodle that sums my sleeping problem a little too completely:

go check it out

for uniqueness' sake...

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02:45

it's back

so early in the year!

i was hoping it would atleast wait till, say, mid-year

or never

and on an entirely different note,
the pic makes me so very happy

unfortunately i'm not sure where i got image

when i do find the website, i promise to give credit

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now... take me to that horizon!

image via

dear 2010,

just letting you know that i'll be doing alot of travelling this year, even more than 2009
i'll also be doing alot of loving & with that comes tears, frustrations & big smiles, so much laughter
& all that good stuff
i'd like to write more. letters, postcards. send packages/pieces of me
take more photos. everywhere. with videos. these are fun
i promise to work on my 'planning' skills
and yes, i'll be going back to studying - college style
dancing. lots of dancing
& what would my world be without spending time friends & family!
and just for keeping busy's sake... i'd like to start a business

resolution: thobeka...to the power of 5
(may i learn to rise my above my potential)

hope you're ready for the ride
2010, i know you'll be good great to me
i can feel it from the tips of my toes
to the hairs of my afro

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"we need to reboot your hard drive"

Commitmentphobia is often most strongly apparent in romantic life.

Generally, commitmentphobic people claim that they are eager to find a lasting romantic attachment & get married, yet they fail to find appropriate partners & maintain long lasting connections.

Ironically, in these romantic relationships, the commitmentphobic partner craves what she fears most:

love & connection.

"we need to reboot your hard drive"

thank you sarah!

press play

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just a late night thought

say, i wasn't born to zulu parents...
say, i was born on some remote island on this earth
where, falling asleep under a tree, on your way home from school because the sun was so hot, was socially acceptable

i am certain, my name would have been;

rebecca rae

true story.

moving on..
i'm not usually (never, rather) a fan of the "hollywood transition makers"
you know, singer to actor & vice versa
never say never

go scarlett!


pete yorn & scarlett johansson - relator

more about the album here

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half of my heart

dear mah's ex,

at times i really do wish you'd been around.
then maybe i'd refer to you as dad/father...and not mah's ex/sperm donor

image via

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allow me to re-introduce myself

something for nothing...

i don't enjoy halloween, or any type of event/holiday that requires me to dress up in a costume

i don't enjoy shopping for the costumes - unnecessary stress for me

maybe i'd enjoy carving pumpkins. i've never done it, so i don't know.

we don't have "halloween" in south africa

we tried it out a couple years ago, back home... and it was a painful experience for me

i have nothing against it, but i just don't enjoy it

it's not me. it's not in me

i'm perfectly happy watching other people dress up and go to these things, and i'd also be happy going in jeans & a t-shirt or even better, staying home and watching episodes of will & grace... or frasier

seriously.

just saying

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allow me to re-introduce myself

I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

When I'm going a through a low period of my life, I tend to forget or rather, not rely on those things that have kept me grounded all my life

I, also realise that it's such a blessing to remember how my faith/testimony makes me feel
i hope. "we learn to cultivate hope, the same way we learn to walk, one step at a time"

Testimony

“This thing which we call testimony is the great strength of the Church. It is the wellspring of faith and activity. It is difficult to explain. It is difficult to quantify . . . , yet it is as real and powerful as any force on the earth.”

Gordon B. Hinckley, “Testimony,” Ensign, May 1998, 69

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oude liefdes....nieuwe wegen

i'm a reality show (on the weekend) junkie

i spent today watching the city and the hills -old seasons and it made me realise that somedays i really miss;

waking up at the break of drawn to make an early morning gym session and miss the traffic!

moving to the big city & going for job interviews

bright lights, long nights, high rise, overtime

dancing till your feet hurt...then become numb from the pain

stepping out the door & meeting diverse people

dressing up

getting the job

working till the moon's shining

clients that make you feel like you're sucking blood from stone

& awesome clients that make you love your job

the social scene

looking back is a great thing

& moving on is even greater

maybe, one day, i'll return to the city....

i have always said i want to live in new york for atleast 6months

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allow me to re-introduce myself...

this morning/mid-morning/afternoon was little weird (for lack of a better word) on me.

so much so that i bought mcdonalds

and ate it

all of it

in the car

whilst driving

eeew.

don't mean to be a hater, but i'm not a fast food fan. especially, the golden arch.
bah da da bah baaaah i'm not lovin'it :)

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mama knows :)

i had the honour of chatting to the greatest woman in the world today - umama wami!
she called, as all mothers do, at the perfect time.
things have been a little.. ummm rickety here & i was starting to feel a little despondent. it was great to have her confirm that im not going crazy!
this morning was a little niet goed & i was just so upset. like really upset... but im no quitter, so was trying to remain optimistic & see the positive side to all this.
during my nap, my phone rings ... and i hear "babygirl, i felt i needed to call you"

i loved her laugh. her concerned voice. i love her.
moms just know.

thanks for the chat mom!

i'm learning that i am allowed to have break downs every once in awhile, and that i'm okay even if i feel sad about something for a few days. these are the human emotions that make me who i am. these are the human emotions that help me to understand what happiness, laughter, kindness, joy, and excitement mean. i am learning that the gospel really keeps me grounded if i focus on it enough."- from this blog

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music...

... it makes me happy :)




Andy Davis - he's my pick of the week.

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what's in a name?

there are MANY things i'll miss about workin here
one, being how NOBODY calls me by my actual name. thobeka.
the variations i go by on a daily basis:
beks
thobeks
beka treka
trifacta
t track
tuey (pron. chewy)
little beka

not even kidding.
i love it.
it's the little things we miss & treasure most.

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2009: courage

what interests me...may interest you - so i share :)

i was doing some websurfing (the beauty of being off work for a week) & came across some great links to get you started in a FAB way in 2009. i gave up on the 'new years resolution' thing a couple years ago, because i'd totally forget what they were by the end of February :)

it's odd though, i turned 24 & something 'clicked' in my mind... this is it! in a good way, what do they say "live ...

im doing it! 2009 is going to be a crazy fun year for Thobeka!!

i pray for the courage to take every opportunity that comes my way & live my dreams, do the things that i keep postponing & love every moment. im over listening to people who are close to me, telling me how i cant do this, i cant do that...im DOING IT!lol. wow, im ready to live now.

im signing things off on that bucket list that everybody secretly has... i mean, if not now, when? im always telling people to envision the 50year version of themselves, and what that person would say? it's high time i took my own advice. just do it!

how to make a vision board

resolution revolution (it's short, impactful & made total sense to me!)

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Finding my wings

This is what I've wanted to do for the longest - be independant - prove that I can make it on my own, so how's it going?

drama drama drama!! that pretty much sums up life in your early twenties :) I've had such an emotional week and i feel ALL the better for it! As Pres. Monson once said "The Lord commands. And to those who obey Him, whether they be wise or simple, He wil reveal Himself in the toils, the conflicts, the sufferings which they shall pass through in His fellowship, and... they shall learn in their own experience who He is."

Monday went well - i nearly killed myself jogging in the evening (this jogging thing is NO joke!, came back feeling liked i'd just run the comrades marathon -95km- but ofcourse i'd only done like 2km's.haha
Work has been going really well as i'm getting busier and busier, which is challenging me more & more to wake up and think! love it! I've been to the gym everyday -mostly coz i've been junking it during the day.hahaha - but it's a good feeling when you're done with a good workout.

Yesterday I made a REALLY difficult decison: I cancelled my ticket for my holiday to the States in December :( I'd bought it in March so you can just imagine how much I've been looking forward to going! but the whole Visa thing was getting too complicated and they needed to see quite a bit of money in my account, which i don't have because i've just relocated, changed jobs etc.
The whole experience had just become too expensive.
so i did the "wise" thing and cancelled the ticket, and don't even know if they'll be refunding me even a small portion of what i paid for it (i paid R10,120). But, I'm keeping positive & I'll get to visit my friends someday.

Then this morning, i had such drama with my car finance people - gosh people can just be pathetic at times! but all's sorted.

Now, I'm looking forward to a jampacked weekend starting tomorrow!! I somehow need to fit in getting my hair done (can take up about 6hours), move into my new place, do some grocery shopping, begin & complete an assignment, go to a farewell party for one of colleagues and breathe in 2 days! wish me luck.

with all that said, I'M TRUELY HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE :)

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In the beginning...

I've always wondered why people start blogs... you know, in the world of facebook, myspace and personal websites why would you want to blog?

My personal reasoning for adventuring to this side of the web: my sense of adventure AND I'm babysitting all 3 of my nephews (as seen in the pic) for the WHOLE weekend and felt that both parties (them and I) needed some alone time :)

So I'm in my sister's office blogging and they're watching Ben10 and whatever else the Disney channel has to offer.ha ha.

So what's been happening? I moved to Joburg a little more than a week ago and have been hitting the job trail quite vigorously. Moving to Joburg was always "the last thing i would EVER do"... now look where I am! This place is sooooo cold, honestly 2 nights ago it was 2 degress celsius - that's got to be illegal or something. I find myself falling into a place of self-pity from time to time (today was one of those days), where I get upset that I still haven't a job and finances i feel are natural depressant haha, but I make it through. There's always a reason to smile.
I've been to one interview so far and it went okay, even though it's not the position I'm looking for it would be a thrilling experience if i was offered the position.

Met with another recruiment agent today and honestly felt like i was in an exam room... i had to fill out a form and answer questions about the Advertising/Marketing industry etc. and everything! I was like "what the heck?!" Anyways, it's done and i hope she finds me what I'm looking for.

Living with my Sister (Sonto) has been quite the ummm humbling experience one could say. I'm realising more and more how IDENTICAL she is to my mom (no matter how many times she denies it). I just keep telling myself that this is just a TEMPORARY situation and I have to literally grin, bear and appreciate it :)
Wow, Thobeka is growing up! Moving out on her own, having to support herself, rely on her strengths and write in the 3rd person.ha ha

So happy I took the jump... looking forward to the adventure!

"Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance!"

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